A Little Blurb about Steven

Mar 4, 2021

Hey everyone, I'm Steven, a co-host of "Our One in Three Autoethnography".

I thought it would be cool to do a blog post rather than dedicate an entire episode to who I am. To start I should probably mention where I was born, and that's Calgary, Alberta. We had a little family growing up, it was just my mom, my brother and I. We weren't exactly well off or anything, mom worked mostly minimum wage jobs and had to raise my brother and I by herself. I think she raised us fairly well so it's probably my fault if you don't like me. All jokes aside, she did a great job, we had clothes, food, a house and all that jazz. Now here's the not so fun stuff: I always felt like a weird kid growing up. Gifted, maybe? Well different for sure. You know it always seems like people have things figured out? For some reason I was the kid that really couldn't do that. 

Paying attention? Nope. Learning from my mistakes? No. Doing chores? Nope. Making friends? Questionable. We'll be covering this stuff more in depth in some future episodes, but just know that I always felt alienated growing up, and that's kind of why I wanted to create this podcast. I want to be able to tell that kid or that adult that it's okay that they haven't figured those things out, and maybe its not their faults. Things that I wish I would've heard. But anyway, that's not what I'm writing about today. After my "gifted" child years, I grew up to be an edgy teen. I always got in fights with my mom and was just angry. Felt like the world owed me something. But a lot of consistent failure made me start to internalize it. I felt like shit when I was a kid - maybe depressed - I don't know. I know that it wasn't puberty either, because at 13 years old I was close to ending my own life because my head gets too loud. 

Well, at the time it felt like the end of the world. Sometimes it still feels like that. But luckily enough I didn't do anything TOO stupid and I'm here writing a blog in my living room while watching some game my roommate is playing. I've peaked. Anyway, I should of mentioned that I grew interested in technology at a really young age (6-8 maybe?) and sports helped clear my mind. So yeah, staying active and editing/gaming/computering are some of the things I really enjoy. Art is also something I love - specifically space - I actually have a space half-sleeve tatooed on my forearm. Yeah, anyway I turned into an adult or whatever and I really struggled. 

I've been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder, bipolar type II (rapid cycling) and ADHD, sooooo a lot of the pain and struggles I had growing up were explained. I still struggle - everyday - with the challenges of mental illness, but I'm still here. I don't want anyone to think I'm strong or brave because I'm speaking about my mental illness. I want it to be normal - for other people to not feel ashamed for struggling. Maybe then it would be easier to get help. I keep getting sidetracked but welcome to "a little bit about Steven", it's kind of who I am. Oh yeah, I also could not have done any of this without the support of my friends and my family (and my friends who are family). You know who you are. Thank you. 

So yeah, that probably didn't make sense - but my medication wore of and I'm not going to re-write this.

Enjoy?