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Steve Talks About Episode 4

Mar 24, 2021

Hi it's Steve. 

So I'm releasing a new episode that I recorded and edited impulsively. I'm going in depth about my experience growing up so it's going to be really personal. I should mention that I didn't write a script for this episode and I chose not to over-edit it. Kind of thought it would make it feel a little more genuine. Maybe we'll adopt this approach in the future too. But yeah, it was really hard for me to record. I think I cried 3 times during recording? I also cried during editing it. So yeah, its kind of a big deal to me I guess. You're probably wondering why this episode in particular gets an entire blog post. Well, it's because I'm bad at editing and I don't want our description to be even longer. I'll put some of the references I found at the bottom of this page. 

Reflecting on my childhood kind of made me think of some things that I forgot about. Or tried to forget about I guess. I think it's kind of important that I remember it though. I feel like I've been really caught up in my life as an adult that I often forget where I came from. I kind of forgot what I went through to make it to where I am right now. Maybe it isn't a big deal to you - that's fine. But the first part of my journey has been the hardest. I'm shocked that I'm here honestly. I'm happy that I am though. I never thought I would be where I am right now. It's not really about resiliancy or suffering through trauma. It's kind acknowledging how my past is affecting my future and dealing with it. Life is a lot more than some motivational quotes about how you have to suffer to be successful. My own idea of success is cheesy. 

It's not about being happy, it's not about being strong and having a ton of money. I think I've just always wanted to be normal. Reflecting on this episode you can see that it's a prevailing theme. I spent so long trying to be like other people I kind of didn't leave time for me to develop. 

Maybe that's what I mean when I say my life feels like it's just starting. It's like I gave myself the freedom to really be myself. Or at least explore what that looks like. I kind of realize that I won't ever fit in. It's all good now. I love that I'm different. I'm happy that I'm at the point in my journey where I can share my story too.

So yeah. I guess there's probably things that are unique about you too. Don't change. You're right where you need to be. 

 

 

References:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/understanding-narcissism/201902/how-do-you-develop-whole-object-relations-adult#:~:text=Object%20constancy%20is%20the%20ability,fight%20becomes%20a%20potential%20breakup.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/basics/adverse-childhood-experiences

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/322070#:~:text=Separation%20anxiety%20is%20when%20someone,a%20result%20of%20the%20separation.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/living-emotional-intensity/201808/are-your-loved-ones-out-sight-out-mind

 

Also I should be finishing my assignment rather than posting this, oops.